Grave Stone

I keep putting off my Dad’s gravestone… it’s not that I don’t want to do it, it’s I want it to be perfect & it’s so final. It’s not like I can say ‘oh you know what ~ can the date be moved slightly to the left’. Ok so maybe I am putting it off because I’m scared I’ll do something wrong. If it isn’t quite right you know what that will do to me. But it also eats at me that he doesn’t have one yet…. This is my dilemma. My Dad left my sister & me some money. He saved all his life ~ went without. I know that was his generation, & also his choice, he didn’t enjoy expensive frivolous things. But it pains me that he could have spent it on himself, had more fun & not left us anything. 

The funeral costs came out of this money ~ my sister did not attend & complained that it was expensive & why hadn’t his girlfriend paid. 

It was very hard ~ I love my Dad so much. When it came to the funeral everyone stood back… & I claimed ownership. (Which was very sad but in the long run made my life a lot easier). I tried to think of the things he would have liked. Sadly there was nothing saying what his wishes were & when my Dad was alive I hated discussing anything to do with his death & avoided it. My Dad was never going to die.

I decided that I thought he’d like to be buried in the cemetery behind his house. I’d wake up in the night in a panic thinking what if he didn’t want this… what if his remains would be stuck somewhere for eternity. It’s not like I can undo it once its done. (Although I do have friends that would said no problem…!)

My Dad had a lovely funeral, if funerals can be lovely. I think he would have been proud.

Mike was great & so were my boys, they enveloped me. But it’s really strange losing a parent, you won’t understand what it is truly like until it has happened to you.

The people that helped me so much & loved my Dad like their own were Karen & Steve. They are family to me & went above & beyond. The were never intrusive but guided me through the whole funeral process, they were my legs to keep me up. I will be eternally grateful to them. 

So the solicitor is finalizing details. My sister is getting antsy for the money & has already insisted on getting half now.  

The gravestone was going to be split our of my Dad’s money like the funeral costs. So it’s almost coming to a point where I’m holding things up…

I looked at so many gravestones online & decided on one that has an angel leaning on the side of the stone. She has her face resting in her arms so she could be sleeping or crying or resting. But I liked the idea of my Dad not being on his own. 

The wording took ages & I settled on:

Captain Peter Roycroft Nixon

November 16th 1922 - February 23rd 2019

A True Gentleman 

Devoted & Benevolent

Beloved Father, Grandfather, 

Husband & Friend

Forever Loved

Never forgotten

The quote came back really high. I didn’t care ~ it’s for my Dad! I would give my last penny to him. But then so many thoughts went through my mind. 

My sister will have a fit ~ that’s ok, I’ll pay for all of it. She signed her half of my Dad’s house over to me instead of forcing us to sell it. 

What if the angel got vandalized? I know it doesn’t bare thinking about but you see cemeteries with angels with bits missing.

Would my Dad want this? He was a simple man… If I got a simple grave stone I could buy angels & saints & put them there, change it up.

So now I’m kind of in limbo… I think I’ll pay for the stone & let the solicitor finish with my sister. I want the stone to be from pure love, no resentment.