a year ago today...
anne nixon-ellery
sooooooo… A year ago today was the last time that I ever got to talk to my Dad, to hear his voice, to make him laugh... to tell him I love you ❤️ To have a conversation where we took turns to speak. He sounded tired… He was in hospital but was coming home ~ little did I know he would die in his sleep early the next morning.
This is so hard ~ so final, so raw. People say I’m so lucky to have loved my Dad so much that I have such grief. Yes I am ~ my Dad & I had a very deep bond. We went through a lot together. He did so much in his life.
People say ~ you can still talk to him, he’ll listen. That doesn’t help, I don’t hear him or see him, he doesn’t answer me. I can’t hug him or tease him, watch him eat, smile, rub his beard, make that face when I’m being cheeky. I can’t hear him being witty, telling me to drive slower, to stop rushing, to have patience, that he’s proud of me…
I am so lucky that he never had to live in a nursing home & that he had the best neighbors in the world that loved him too & took care of him.
Even in death he was a true gentleman ~ not going through some awful illness, just never waking up…
I miss him so much it hurts.